Starting Over: Tips to Finding Grace in Difficult Times
Starting Over: Tips to Finding Grace in Difficult Times
Natural disaster. Divorce. Death of a loved one. Job loss. Career change. Moving to a new community.
There’s not one of us who has escaped major change in our lives. And whether you bring on major change yourself or circumstances beyond your control are thrust upon you, starting over requires addressing new feelings.
In fact, major life change can bring with it extreme heartache, debilitating stress and despair.
But you can do it. You have the means within yourself to recuperate and grow from any life-altering situation. Truly.
If you or a loved one is facing an experience that requires “starting over,” keep the following points in mind. They’ll help you get through a very difficult time with greater peace-of-mind and grace.
Take time to let go
Starting over often happens due to traumatic events. Even when you initiate the change that requires starting over, grief is natural. Take the necessary time to grieve your losses. Your timeframe for mourning may be different than someone else’s, so be true to your own needs.
Be gentle with yourself
If ever there was a time to love and nurture yourself, it would be now. Go easy and be sweet with yourself. Take rest when you need it. Say no to anything but the essential, and use that extra time to sleep, get lots of sunshine, walk in nature, and visit with supportive friends. Just be.
One step at a time
Starting over can feel overwhelming at first, so pay attention to one step at a time. For example, if your home has been devastated by a disaster, take care of your immediate housing needs and safety first before you turn to the bigger question of where to live in the long run.
Take consistent baby steps
You will make more progress (and it will feel easier) if you focus on accomplishing regular, small tasks rather than large ones. This will also help you move through the times when you feel so overwhelmed that you can’t seem to do anything. Acknowledge each and every step as an accomplishment, because each and every one is.
Accept the change
Whatever has happened has already “happened,” whether or not you feel you had some control in the shift. Try to avoid “what if” scenarios or feeling guilty or creating stories to explain why it happened. Hard as it might seem, acceptance helps you embrace the process of starting over.
Change your way of thinking
Starting over can be as easy as changing your mind or your way of thinking. Instead of being fearful of change and focusing on negative beliefs, we can embrace the potential that change makes possible and identify what we want to believe about ourselves as we move forward. Try to view it as adventurous, perhaps even exhilarating. You may learn to celebrate change rather than trying to avoid it.
Create a support team
Don’t be afraid to ask friends or family members for help or attend support groups. And know when to seek help from professionals. Sometimes just a few sessions can be a catalyst for helping you get through a difficult time.
The reality is, change is inevitable. Learn to accept, embrace and grow from the change. Starting over will feel easier, and you will be able to go with the flow more gracefully.
Author’s content used under license, © 2008 Claire Communications
Further Thoughts
We all have feelings that come up as we experience the shifts and changes of life. Sometimes these emotions feel expected or safe enough that we can embrace them. But sometimes our reactions can surprise us in their intensity or type. If you’re experiencing feelings that are overwhelming or incapacitating, you may want to seek help.
At Simmeth Counseling we use therapeutic practices, such as EMDR, that help our clients address the underlying trauma and negative beliefs that can cause overwhelming feelings or a sense of stuckness in the face of change. We offer regular therapy as well as intensive sessions for people who want longer, focused time to work on specific issues for a defined time.
We also invite you to explore our new Metabolic Mental Health page. Don’t hesitate to reach out if you have any questions.
