Tips for Finding Grace in Difficult Times
Tips for Finding Grace in Difficult Times
Natural disaster. Divorce. Death of a loved one. Job loss. Career change. And now COVID-19.
All of us can recount a life-altering experience brought on by a major life change. And whether you bring on that change yourself or find yourself at the mercy of circumstances beyond your control, learning to accept that change and find a “new normal” isn’t easy.
In fact, major life change can bring with it extreme heartache, debilitating stress and despair.
Whatever the change that is happening in your life, there are things you can do to help yourself navigate loss and move toward growth. And that includes reaching out for help when you need it.
If you or a loved one is facing an experience that requires dealing with change — whether you’re starting over or living into a new life circumstance, consider how the following suggestions can help you get through a difficult time with greater peace-of-mind and grace.
As an exercise, think about each of the statements below and consider how true or false they are on a scale of one to five. You might like to have this conversation with a friend who knows you well and can reflect back to you what they’ve seen and heard.
Take time to let go
Whether change happens through a traumatic or unexpected event or by our own choice, it always requires letting go of something that was. Even when you initiate the change grief is a natural response. Acknowledge what you have lost and take time to grieve. Your timeframe for mourning may be different than someone else’s, so be true to your own needs.
Be gentle with yourself
During times of emotional stress, it’s important to love and nurture yourself. Take rest when you need it. Say no to those things that are not essential. Keep space for extra time to sleep, walking in nature or spending time with supportive friends. When you need to, just be.
One step at a time
Starting over can feel overwhelming at first, so pay attention to one step at a time. Whether it’s finding a place to stay after a separation or getting yourself out for a daily walk after a loss. You will make more progress (and it will feel easier) if you focus on accomplishing regular, small tasks rather than large ones. It will also help you move through the times when you feel so overwhelmed that you can’t seem to do anything. Acknowledge each and every step as an accomplishment, knowing they are moving you forward.
Accept the change
Whatever has happened has simply “happened.” It just is. Try to avoid “what if” scenarios, feeling guilty or creating stories to explain why it happened. Hard as it might seem, accepting what happened also helps you release the power of that circumstance and move forward.
Focus on the possibilities
With change comes new possibilities. Instead of being fearful of change and what lies ahead, embrace the potential that change makes possible. If you can, look for the adventure. You may discover change can even be exhilarating. Both grieving loss and celebrating possibilities are ways we embrace and engage change instead of avoiding it.
Set realistic deadlines
When it comes to the tasks required of starting over, it’s helpful to set deadlines for yourself. But give yourself ample time to accomplish them. For example, you might set a date to attend a support group to help you deal with the pain of loss.
Be open to learning
Starting over will mean having to learn some new skills. If you lost your job, you might need or want to go back to school. If you lost a longtime partner, you might have to learn how to date again. Being willing to learn something new is a positive way to move forward and even have some fun at the same time.
Create a support team
Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Being honest and clear about your needs allows friends or family to provide support that is actually supportive and also deepens relationship. Support groups are also rich opportunities to engage with others who have been through the same loss or change as you have. And know when to seek help from professionals.
Author John C Maxwell says, “change is inevitable… growth is optional.” Learning to accept, embrace and grow from the change will help you move with those seasons more gently and gracefully with yourself and others.
Author’s content used under license, © Claire Communications
Next Steps
The pandemic has changed our lives, and people are experiencing that change in many different ways. Physical distancing is playing havoc with our social lives, amplifying loneliness or exacerbating difficult family relationships. Work, financial upsets, and schooling children at home add their own stresses.
These shifts and the stress of uncertainty can feel emotionally seismic when old wounds or traumas crack open. Powerful beliefs we hold about ourselves or our world resurface and make it difficult to handle change with any measure of the grace suggested in the article above.
Therapy and in particular, EMDR, can help people work through trauma and emotional wounding so that it no longer has the power to overwhelm us when our lives shift in response to loss or change. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or incapacitated by your life during this crisis, you may want to get professional help.
Our team continues to work with clients both in person and through video conferencing. We’ve found our therapeutic practices, including EMDR are effective through online therapy as well.
If you’d like to work with one of the counselors at Simmeth Counseling Group, you can all our office for a free, 15-minute consultation.
