Bounce Back: Developing Emotional Resilience
Bounce Back: Developing Emotional Resilience
Major disruptions are a “gotcha” we all experience at one time or another in our lives. We get laid off or passed over in our career; a loved one moves away or gets seriously ill; a disaster affects our home, projects or plans. Whether physical or emotional, social or financial, the variety of ways life takes unexpected and unwanted turns is endless.
For some, the impact of these hard times can be overwhelming. Recovery, if it comes at all, can be painfully slow. Other people seem to glide through these times, bouncing back to a normal life again quickly. This resilience—the strength required to adapt to change—acts as an internal compass to help us resourcefully navigate an upset.
When unexpected events turn life upside down, it’s the degree to which our resiliency comes into play that makes these “make-or-break” situations an opportunity for growth. The good news is that each of us has the capacity to reorganize our life after a disruption and to achieve new levels of strength and meaningfulness. Though it’s easy to feel vulnerable in the midst of chaos and uncertainty, life disruptions are not always a bad thing. They can also help us grow and meet future challenges in our lives. In the same way we build physical flexibility through stretching or working out, how we face difficult times and meet future challenges in our lives. It’s a lot like a bone that was once fragile or broken, and is now strong from being used.
So how can you grow your resilience?
Key Characteristics of Resilience
Consider these seven key characteristics of people who demonstrate resilience when facing life’s curve balls.
A Sense of Hope and Trust in the World
Resilient people rely on their belief in the basic goodness of life and/or of God and trust that things will turn out alright in the end. This belief allows them to weather times that feel bleak and to look for and accept the support that is out there. Approaching life events with this positive attitude gives them the ability to hope for a better future.
Interpreting Experiences in a New Light
The ability to look at a situation in a new way (a skill called “reframing”) can minimize the impact of a difficult situation. Resilient people aren’t limited in their view of a situation. They take a creative approach toward solving a problem, and don’t always use an old definition for a new challenge.
A Meaningful System of Support
One of the best ways to endure a crisis is to have the support of another person who can listen and validate your feelings. Knowing that others care and will come to our support decreases the feeling of isolation, especially when tackling a problem alone. It’s important to choose people you trust. Don’t be surprised if it takes several friends, each of whom can provide different kinds of support. Resilient people aren’t stoic loners. They know the value of expressing their fears and frustrations, as well as receiving support, coaching or guidance from friends, family or a professional.
A Sense of Mastery and Control Over Your Destiny
You may not be able to predict the future, but you can tackle a problem instead of feeling at the mercy of forces outside of your control. Resilient people know that ultimately their survival and the integrity of their life values depend on their ability to take action where action is possible. Tough times call for recognizing and then acting on what you control.
Self-Reflection and Insight
Life’s experiences provide fertile ground for learning. Asking yourself questions that invite introspection can open a door to new understanding and appreciation of who you are and what you stand for. Giving voice to your thoughts and feelings leads to insight that can help transform the meaning of a problem into something useful. Resilient people learn from life situations and do not succumb to punishing themselves because of decisions made in the past.
A Wide Range of Interests
People who show resilience in the face of adversity are those who have a diversity of interests. They’re open to new experiences and ideas. Because their lives are rich and varied, it’s easier for them to find relief from the single mindedness and worry that often accompany a crisis.
Sense of Humor
Have you ever had a wry laugh during a difficult situation? The ability to see the absurdity, irony, or genuine humor in a situation stimulates our sense of hope and possibility. Humor has both psychological and physical benefits in relieving stress because it encourages a swift change in your perception of your circumstances—and when your thoughts change, your mood follows.
While these resilience characteristics are important during difficult times, you can practice them in smaller moments of unexpected change as well. And as you build resilience, you’ll be developing your ability to bounce back more quickly when adversity pays a visit.
Author’s content used under license, © 2008 Claire Communications
Further Thoughts
Our ability to develop some of the resilient mindsets identified in this article can be hampered by negative past experiences that make us feel stuck in our response to adversity. One of the benefits of working through trauma and negative experiences is that we can free ourselves from the negative beliefs that hold us back from developing our muscles of resiliency. Even the coping mechanisms we develop as a response to trauma can keep us from building emotionally healthy resilience.
At Simmeth Counseling we’ve seen the impact practices like EMDR have in helping to unstick negative beliefs and responses tied to deep wounds. We use this in our regular therapeutic practice and also as an intensive experience that offers longer, focused sessions to work on specific issues for a defined duration.
